Got What You Want From Your Wife? Get It!
Emotionally detached women tend to be responsible-excessively so! They are responsible for people, places and things.
Often they assume others responsibility.
This makes them enablers.
While they perceive their motives as good, their actions repel those they are aimed at helping.
This is very apparent among some husbands and wives.
Men married to these women often find them independent, unapproachable, disrespectful and 'not submitted'.
There, I said it: 'not submitted'.
Ladies, I know these words are like the sound of scrapping a fork across a plate.
To the female soul tortured by these words, I understand.
But please bear with me for a few minutes and read further.
Husbands need to feel our dependence, approachability, respect and submission.
Getting this can be a challenge.
It is not simply a matter of the wife changing.
He too must change.
See, here's the other side of the story.
Men married to these women are frequently mentally and emotionally dependent.
They have a tendency to be less responsible than their wives.
These husbands permit their wives to assume responsibility more than may be appropriate.
When outcomes prove less than desirable such husbands can feel hurt, cheated and robbed.
They become angry and blame their wives for poor results.
Although they routinely assign responsibility, they resent their wives for taking it.
What really might be going on here? The internal tension husbands' feel after wives accept or assume biblically inappropriate assignments suggests two things.
First, there may be some responsibilities God did not intend for wives.
When she does so it will cause the husband angst.
Whether improper responsibility is offered by her husband and accepted or she grabs it of her own will makes no difference.
It invites opposition from God.
Additionally, it either provokes a wife to anger, or fertilizes residual anger brought into marriage.
Sometimes this anger results in the sin of wives routinely usurping the authority of their husbands.
Make no mistake.
This is rebellion.
God has already judged and condemned rebellion.
The wife that rebels needs to repent and practice submitting to authority.
(It is very likely that if she has a problem of submitting to the authority of her own husband, she has problems submitting to authority in general).
One responsibility that God intends for husbands is to ensure the protection of their wives.
Protection includes many things.
It may include physically protecting her against an assailant, emotionally protecting her against those that condemn her, or spiritually protecting her in prayer.
It may also mean financially protecting by ensuring her needs are met.
It means many things.
But the idea of a husband protecting a wife always involves promoting her safety.
It may also involve delegating responsibility to anyone other than do.
God, the Father and Husband does not entrust the responsibility of protecting his family to the children or the wife.
Nor did Jesus.
He left the responsibility of the Church's welfare in the hands of the apostles.
When husbands leave their wives exposed, they are tempted to do what they have always done-take responsibility.
Sometimes it is godly and right.
At other times, it amounts to seizing their husband's authority and thus rebellion.
In the same manner that emotionally detached, excessively responsible wives foster mentally and emotionally dependent husbands; husbands that do not protect their wives encourage independence and emotional detachment.
It's a dance! Circumstances provide an uninterrupted stream of music.
Secondly, when a man doesn't assume responsibility for himself, then it is almost impossible for him to take responsibility for others.
The answer to the emotionally detached, independent, overly responsible woman is not simply that the wife needs to submit.
Don't get me wrong.
A rebellious wife needs to learn submission.
But her learning submission, will not by itself resolve her husband's irresponsibility.
He must choose to elevate his responsiveness.
These husbands need to improve their response to God's requests and requirements for their lives.
For example, it is God's requirement concerning the scriptures that all that profess Christ read, study and pray.
In II Timothy 2:15, we are instructed to study.
"Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved (tested by trial), a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing [rightly handling and skillfully teaching] the Word of Truth.
" (Amplified Version) Paul tells us that the best way to handle situations that arise in our lives is to pray Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
(Philippians 4:6 NIV) Moreover, the disciples were devoted to doing so according to Acts 2:24 "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
" (NIV) Before a husband can responsibly engage his wife in reading the Bible, he must first read the Bible for himself.
His own personal relationship with God and spiritual development require this.
The confidence to conduct this exercise with his wife grows out of practicing this exercise alone.
The strength to sustain the exercise with his wife is derived from sustaining the practice in his own life.
It is unlikely that a husband can be responsible for his wife in an area where he is irresponsible himself.
In these situations, he may use his position as head of the wife (Ephesians 5:23) to obtain her compliance.
And she does well to comply, unless obedience results in a threat to safety and the well-being of self or others.
Yet, her participation should not be mistaken for admiration but as a desire to please God.
"And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.
Wives, be subject to your husbands [subordinate and adapt yourselves to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord.
" (Colossians 3:17 and 18 Amplified Version) The emotionally detached, overly responsible woman and wife must do her own work with God.
By doing so, she offers the best opportunity, encouragement and reason for the man in her life to do his work with God.
The mentally and emotionally attached, dependent man has his own work to do with God.
When he engages his work with God it affords the woman in his life the best opportunity, encouragement and reason to do her work with God.
They cannot contract to do this work together because it is not solely theirs.
God working together with each individual's mind, will and emotions is what accomplishes the work.
Husband and wife cannot negotiate God's work among themselves! To attempt to do so only means more of the unwanted same! Each must become responsive to God on His terms.
When one does, all benefit! Jesus proves this.
Romans 5:8 reads, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
" (NKJV) In order for husbands to get what they want from their wives and be in a place to enjoy it, they must change both their mind and approach toward God and marriage.
It's doable! God working together with one willing husband is sufficient to bring about some of the changes all desire to see! Certainly, if God is for this husband then who is it that can be against him?
Often they assume others responsibility.
This makes them enablers.
While they perceive their motives as good, their actions repel those they are aimed at helping.
This is very apparent among some husbands and wives.
Men married to these women often find them independent, unapproachable, disrespectful and 'not submitted'.
There, I said it: 'not submitted'.
Ladies, I know these words are like the sound of scrapping a fork across a plate.
To the female soul tortured by these words, I understand.
But please bear with me for a few minutes and read further.
Husbands need to feel our dependence, approachability, respect and submission.
Getting this can be a challenge.
It is not simply a matter of the wife changing.
He too must change.
See, here's the other side of the story.
Men married to these women are frequently mentally and emotionally dependent.
They have a tendency to be less responsible than their wives.
These husbands permit their wives to assume responsibility more than may be appropriate.
When outcomes prove less than desirable such husbands can feel hurt, cheated and robbed.
They become angry and blame their wives for poor results.
Although they routinely assign responsibility, they resent their wives for taking it.
What really might be going on here? The internal tension husbands' feel after wives accept or assume biblically inappropriate assignments suggests two things.
First, there may be some responsibilities God did not intend for wives.
When she does so it will cause the husband angst.
Whether improper responsibility is offered by her husband and accepted or she grabs it of her own will makes no difference.
It invites opposition from God.
Additionally, it either provokes a wife to anger, or fertilizes residual anger brought into marriage.
Sometimes this anger results in the sin of wives routinely usurping the authority of their husbands.
Make no mistake.
This is rebellion.
God has already judged and condemned rebellion.
The wife that rebels needs to repent and practice submitting to authority.
(It is very likely that if she has a problem of submitting to the authority of her own husband, she has problems submitting to authority in general).
One responsibility that God intends for husbands is to ensure the protection of their wives.
Protection includes many things.
It may include physically protecting her against an assailant, emotionally protecting her against those that condemn her, or spiritually protecting her in prayer.
It may also mean financially protecting by ensuring her needs are met.
It means many things.
But the idea of a husband protecting a wife always involves promoting her safety.
It may also involve delegating responsibility to anyone other than do.
God, the Father and Husband does not entrust the responsibility of protecting his family to the children or the wife.
Nor did Jesus.
He left the responsibility of the Church's welfare in the hands of the apostles.
When husbands leave their wives exposed, they are tempted to do what they have always done-take responsibility.
Sometimes it is godly and right.
At other times, it amounts to seizing their husband's authority and thus rebellion.
In the same manner that emotionally detached, excessively responsible wives foster mentally and emotionally dependent husbands; husbands that do not protect their wives encourage independence and emotional detachment.
It's a dance! Circumstances provide an uninterrupted stream of music.
Secondly, when a man doesn't assume responsibility for himself, then it is almost impossible for him to take responsibility for others.
The answer to the emotionally detached, independent, overly responsible woman is not simply that the wife needs to submit.
Don't get me wrong.
A rebellious wife needs to learn submission.
But her learning submission, will not by itself resolve her husband's irresponsibility.
He must choose to elevate his responsiveness.
These husbands need to improve their response to God's requests and requirements for their lives.
For example, it is God's requirement concerning the scriptures that all that profess Christ read, study and pray.
In II Timothy 2:15, we are instructed to study.
"Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved (tested by trial), a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing [rightly handling and skillfully teaching] the Word of Truth.
" (Amplified Version) Paul tells us that the best way to handle situations that arise in our lives is to pray Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
(Philippians 4:6 NIV) Moreover, the disciples were devoted to doing so according to Acts 2:24 "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
" (NIV) Before a husband can responsibly engage his wife in reading the Bible, he must first read the Bible for himself.
His own personal relationship with God and spiritual development require this.
The confidence to conduct this exercise with his wife grows out of practicing this exercise alone.
The strength to sustain the exercise with his wife is derived from sustaining the practice in his own life.
It is unlikely that a husband can be responsible for his wife in an area where he is irresponsible himself.
In these situations, he may use his position as head of the wife (Ephesians 5:23) to obtain her compliance.
And she does well to comply, unless obedience results in a threat to safety and the well-being of self or others.
Yet, her participation should not be mistaken for admiration but as a desire to please God.
"And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.
Wives, be subject to your husbands [subordinate and adapt yourselves to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord.
" (Colossians 3:17 and 18 Amplified Version) The emotionally detached, overly responsible woman and wife must do her own work with God.
By doing so, she offers the best opportunity, encouragement and reason for the man in her life to do his work with God.
The mentally and emotionally attached, dependent man has his own work to do with God.
When he engages his work with God it affords the woman in his life the best opportunity, encouragement and reason to do her work with God.
They cannot contract to do this work together because it is not solely theirs.
God working together with each individual's mind, will and emotions is what accomplishes the work.
Husband and wife cannot negotiate God's work among themselves! To attempt to do so only means more of the unwanted same! Each must become responsive to God on His terms.
When one does, all benefit! Jesus proves this.
Romans 5:8 reads, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
" (NKJV) In order for husbands to get what they want from their wives and be in a place to enjoy it, they must change both their mind and approach toward God and marriage.
It's doable! God working together with one willing husband is sufficient to bring about some of the changes all desire to see! Certainly, if God is for this husband then who is it that can be against him?
