Parenting the older child requires parents to occasionally update their rules and boundaries in accordance with their tween's maturity level and dependability. It's important for your preteen to understand your house rules, and to know exactly where you've placed the boundaries that allow him a little independence, and a little accountability. If you are struggling with setting boundaries for your growing tween, the tips below will help you set important boundaries and communicate them with your tween.

 

Boundaries and Your Preteen

Be Clear About Your Rules: Consistency is the name of the game when setting rules and boundaries for your child. Make sure your child understands that you need to know where he is at all times -- and that means everyday. If a rule applies to Monday, it also applies to the remaining six days of the week. Give your child the information he needs to understand what is required of him, and what he needs to do to earn your trust, and possibly to earn a little more independence when the time comes. 

Be Clear About Consequences: You have to be equally clear about consequences as you do expectations. If your child breaks his curfew, he needs to know what will happen. Giving your child the specifics about expectations and consequences will help him make the right decision. Your tween will want to avoid negative consequences as much as possible, and that will help him stick to your rules as much as possible. 

Make Safety a Priority: It doesn't matter how old your child, or how mature he is, safety is the name of the game.

Safety should be at the heart of all of your rules, and your child should understand that the rules you establish for him are really about his safety and well being. When appropriate explain how your rules and boundaries exist to keep him safe and that you expect him to make decisions that will also help keep him safe and out of harm's way. Also, your tween needs to know that there are some safety rules that just can't be negotiated, no matter how responsible and mature your child has become.

Give a Little: The tween years are years of growth and maturity and that means that your rules and boundaries may change as your child proves himself and shows you just how responsible he can be. Be flexible about certain rules and allow your child a little more independence if you think he's earned it. Just be sure to test the waters first, before allowing your tween too much freedom.

Understand that Tweens Don't Like Boundaries: Your tween may be super excited to learn that he can stay home alone for a few hours a day. But after a while, he'll expect more and more give to the house rules. While you want to be flexible and adapt your rules according to your child's maturity and trustworthiness, you will also have to inform your tween at some point that some expectations on his part will have to wait  a few years. Many tweens expect to be treated like teenagers, but the truth is your child is still a child, and rules and boundaries are necessary. Prepare yourself for eye rolling and attitude problems if your child isn't thrilled with the boundaries you set for him.