Updated September 22, 2014.

Even though affairs are by no means inevitable in long-term committed relationships, the reality is that they do happen. It is possible to recover after an affair, but they often lead to divorce and can devastate a relationship. This article explores some actions that you and your partner can take to affair proof your marriage so that you both will never have to go through the trauma of infidelity.

1. Recognize what a healthy relationship is all about

Affairs do not typically come out of left field, even though it may feel that way. The truth is that happy and emotionally connected partners rarely come close to cheating because their needs are generally met within their relationship. When you recognize what a healthy relationship looks like, you can take necessary steps to create one for yourself, and consciously maintain it.

In the last few decades, research about romantic love between adult partners has demonstrated that a healthy relationship starts with a strong emotional bond between partners. Take care of that bond as if your life depended on it, because in some ways, it does!

2. Know that when you are stronger in love, you are stronger in general

It is worth your time to learn more about this newly discovered science of love so that you can get love right and make it work for you. The benefits of a strong relationship are innumerable, ranging from better health to increased career success.

 

3. Take time to take care of your relationship

Unless you spend time within it, you may grow out of your relationship. It seems so obvious and yet so many people can get caught up in everything else about life and lose sight of themselves and each other in the process. Make sure you actually spend time with your partner, and when you do, be together. Put away your mobile devices and listen to each other. 

4. Get outside help if you cannot get strong together on your own

All of this advice is well and good, but if you have been caught up in negative cycles of disconnection with your partner over the course of several years, the expertise of an outside facilitator can do you wonders. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples has been rigorously researched and offers couples a road map out of emotional distress with each other. 

If you are afraid couples therapy will take forever, EFT has been shown to be effective in as little as 12-20 weekly sessions. If that still feels like too long, consider attending a workshop based on this form of counseling that may help you strengthen your relationship in just a day or two.

5. Follow some relationship rules

A rock solid relationship is generally enough to ward off any chances of an affair. If you desire extra reassurance, there are a few other rules you can set in motion as well. Many strong couples already follow these rules without consciously knowing them.

Rule #1: A friend of either partner must be a friend of the relationship. This decreases the chances of friendships turning into emotional affairs.

Rule #2: Your romantic partnership must be the relationship in which you spend the most time and have the most emotional intimacy. This, of course, can be difficult to achieve if you are not in an emotionally strong place together. If that's the case, make sure to first follow steps one through four to get your relationship into a better place.

Rule #3: Do not engage in conversations with other prospective partners that involve deep emotional sharing or about problems in your primary relationship.

In other words, keep the emotional connection strong within your relationship.

Note: If you are experiencing intimate partner violence, your safety is more important than anything. Creating such safety typically involves getting help outside of your relationship. These rules do not apply to someone who is in a violent or abusive relationship. 

If you are in a violent or abusive relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

<sub>Sources

Glass, S. P. (2003). Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity. New York: Free Press.

Johnson, S. (2013). Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships. New York: Little, Brown and Company.</sub>