How to Make Friends With a Bully
- 1). Understand what makes the bully tick. Often bullies feel powerless and out of control, which is what prompts them to overpower and control others. Underneath this is an overwhelming inferiority that stems from their own insecurity. Perhaps they realize how limited their own social skills are, and out of their frustration use aggression to assimilate into society. Understand this motivation to understand the person.
- 2). Be compassionate. Some bullies have learned from their lives at home that bullying is an appropriate problem-solving skill. Perhaps they have been bullied themselves by those who are bigger and more in control, such as a parent or older sibling. The old saying that hurt people hurt people definitely holds true. Realize that in reality both of you may not be that far apart as victims of bullying behavior.
- 3). Act confidently and brave. Bullies try to intimidate others because they feel they can, and pick their victims with this in mind. Don't give them any response that feeds this negative behavior. Stand with your back straight and your head held high and never let them see their behavior upsets you. This gives them a foothold to continue their aggressive behavior.
- 4). Stay calm and avoid using anger. Retaliation and violence are never the answer. Remember that this bully may be acting out of powerlessness; to try to intimidate him may indeed make things much worse if he feels threatened and/or humiliated. Your goal is to make a friend out of the bully, not to make a bully out of yourself. Be assertive and firm, but be empathetic.
- 5). Include the bully in activities with your other friends. Ostracizing the bully only makes her anti-social behavior worse; in a controlled group she can be encouraged to learn and implement better social skills. Keep these activities confined to safe areas with those who can stand up for you. Bullies are, at their hearts, opportunists. Their behavior thrives in those places where they can't be caught, corrected or confronted when they indulge in their negative behavior.
- 6). Make friends with the bully's friends. Even if you cannot make inroads with the bully himself, open up the line of communication with some of his friends. This may help the bully see you as more of a person and less of a target. The more he or his inner circle can see you as a person, the better.
