Ever hear of the phrase "You can't have your cake and eat it too?" Well, this relates to a serious problem a lot of recently broken-up people have when trying to get their exes back. Have you made this mistake?

I've become aware of a lot of heartbroken people completely invalidating themselves and making it harder and harder to get the loves of their lives back, all by just trying to be there for their exes. This problem comes from trying to show your ex that you care and that you'll always be there for him, but actually being too much there for a breakup situation.

Sorry if that's a little unclear...the situation is that after a breakup, it's common for the one who initiated the breakup to use the "we can still be friends" line. What that often means is that all the breakup results in is your ex getting to go off and romp around with other people while you sit at home crying and trying to win him back by doing everything you can to please him.

This is no way to live...in order for your ex to appreciate what it means to have a real relationship with you, he has to understand that it's a package deal, all or nothing. There are broken up couples who still live together, hang out together, even still sleep together...and what is your ex supposed to think about that? That he can have the best of all worlds, get you and anyone else he wants at the same time?

This cannot be allowed. This behavior will NOT get him back, and will only make you feel worse and worse. If he still has you even after the breakup, what incentive is there for him to want you back? If nothing changes, he'll be happy as ever getting all he wants from you without having to give anything back.

This extends beyond just physical points though, too...he'll never understand what he's missing from a relationship with you if he continues to get it outside of a relationship with you. If you cut it off completely, he'll have to realize just how undervalued you were to him, and how without you he literally doesn't get to have you. Sometimes he ends up okay with that, but most of the time that serves as a shock to his system that wakes him up and makes him realize "Hey...what was I thinking? Life without her really sucks."

So have a little faith and respect in yourself. Let him know, it's all or nothing. If you break off contact and force him to live a life without any of the benefits of having you, and follow up with a proven plan that's been shown to work wonders for getting couples back together, you can skyrocket your chances of getting him back where before you were only killing them.

It can happen! You just need to discover The Magic of Making Up.