Understanding a Sex Addiction
Tiger Woods is back in the limelight, this time, after having fired Steve Williams, the man who had been his caddie, close friend and confidant for the past 12 years and 200+ golf tournaments.
The Tiger Woods/Steve Williams split reminds us of another Tiger Woods "divorce." Less than two years ago, Woods was involved in a sex scandal that inevitably led to his much-publicized divorce from Elin Nordegren. His sex addiction was front page news and the object of a media circus. But what is a sex addiction, really, or any addiction for that matter? Do we really understand what an addiction is?
An addiction basically arises out of a lack of effective self-parenting. In a perfect world, all parents would teach their children how to guide, nurture and soothe themselves, in other words, teach them to become their own loving parent. But our world is far from perfect – we are far from perfect - and some do not learn these essential self-parenting skills.
This is when addictions come in. Most addictions are an effort to stop hurting and to manage thoughts and feelings we cannot seem to control. Addictions reflect counterfeit negative self-parenting for those who were not taught the right self-parenting skills.
Of course, we are talking about addictions in the broad sense of the word. We can be addicted to sex, drugs, gambling, or alcohol. But we can also be addicted to people, situations (fighting with my spouse), or a thing (money). It is only normal to be drawn to anything that brings us pleasure or relief. But when that very thing begins to interfere with our everyday life, we are courting an addiction.
Addictions are dangerous. The addict stands to lose a great deal whether it is physical or mental well-being, or the loss of loved ones. Not only can addictions put someone's health or life at risk, they also affect everyone around the addict, even destroying entire families. The key word here is loss.
There can be some gains, however, even with severe addictions. Those who successfully fight and overcome an addiction gain a better understanding of themselves. They learn more effective ways to manage stress and pain. And in the end, they gain freedom. Freedom from the thing that was holding them back, keeping them from becoming a better self.
Addictions are a very serious problem and professional help should be sought. This is not something that can be fought alone.
Dr. Beth Cuje's book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, is not focused on addictions. But you can find tools and steps to help you become a stronger person and fight habits that need to be changed.
Copyright Dr. Beth Blevins Cuje 2011
The Tiger Woods/Steve Williams split reminds us of another Tiger Woods "divorce." Less than two years ago, Woods was involved in a sex scandal that inevitably led to his much-publicized divorce from Elin Nordegren. His sex addiction was front page news and the object of a media circus. But what is a sex addiction, really, or any addiction for that matter? Do we really understand what an addiction is?
An addiction basically arises out of a lack of effective self-parenting. In a perfect world, all parents would teach their children how to guide, nurture and soothe themselves, in other words, teach them to become their own loving parent. But our world is far from perfect – we are far from perfect - and some do not learn these essential self-parenting skills.
This is when addictions come in. Most addictions are an effort to stop hurting and to manage thoughts and feelings we cannot seem to control. Addictions reflect counterfeit negative self-parenting for those who were not taught the right self-parenting skills.
Of course, we are talking about addictions in the broad sense of the word. We can be addicted to sex, drugs, gambling, or alcohol. But we can also be addicted to people, situations (fighting with my spouse), or a thing (money). It is only normal to be drawn to anything that brings us pleasure or relief. But when that very thing begins to interfere with our everyday life, we are courting an addiction.
Addictions are dangerous. The addict stands to lose a great deal whether it is physical or mental well-being, or the loss of loved ones. Not only can addictions put someone's health or life at risk, they also affect everyone around the addict, even destroying entire families. The key word here is loss.
There can be some gains, however, even with severe addictions. Those who successfully fight and overcome an addiction gain a better understanding of themselves. They learn more effective ways to manage stress and pain. And in the end, they gain freedom. Freedom from the thing that was holding them back, keeping them from becoming a better self.
Addictions are a very serious problem and professional help should be sought. This is not something that can be fought alone.
Dr. Beth Cuje's book, Become the Person You Were Meant to Be, is not focused on addictions. But you can find tools and steps to help you become a stronger person and fight habits that need to be changed.
Copyright Dr. Beth Blevins Cuje 2011
