The Different Faces of Sexual Addiction
With the advent of the internet and technology, sex addiction cases have grown tremendously and have become more alarming than ever.
Sex addiction strikes in men and women alike, regardless of social class, ethnicity and sexual orientation.
It thrives in a culture obsessed with sex and at the same time vastly shame based in its relationship to sex.
It is a reality happening in our society, in our community, in our circle of friends, and even in our own family.
The sex addict could be a co-worker, a friend, a partner or a loved that struggles in secret for fear of rejection and due to the shame and guilt attached to sexual addiction.
There are different faces of a sex addict.
Below are some accounts of sexually compulsive or addicted persons.
The bachelor consumed with the "sexual fix" He is single with a stable job but he is consumed with sexual thoughts throughout much of the day and on impulse he may feel the need to masturbate, view pornography, or spend money he can't really afford in massage parlors, topless bars, or even to pay for sex with a prostitute.
He may seek the excitement of engaging in sex with anonymous partners or having one-night stands.
He spends more on his "sex habit" than he would like to admit and is probably in denial about all the time and money that vanishes in his chase for a sexual high.
Our bachelor sex addict may have attempted to quit these behaviors on many times only to fail and find himself acting out sexually once again.
The sexual "fix" becomes his source of pleasure and maybe even the only time when he feels "alive.
" At times he may use sex as a means of avoiding unpleasant feelings or as a coping mechanism to fight stress, work difficulties, interpersonal, psychological, and emotional problems.
Just like the drink to the alcoholic, sex works for the addict while at the same time leaving the addict a slave to his sex addiction.
The married man obsessed with internet pornography He is married for several years with two young children.
He spends long hours at the computer after his wife has gone to bed viewing pornography sites.
He may make live contact with women in chat rooms or even make plans to meet one of them for sex during a break in his workday.
He justifies his acts by saying things to himself like, "it doesn't hurt anybody and besides I deserve it, look how hard I work" and "No one will ever know so what difference does it make? I'm just a guy being a guy.
" However, each time he hides his behaviors, the secrets grow and intimacy in his marriage suffers more and more.
His wife knows something is different, that he has been pulling away emotionally, and she may even try to compete with his sexual fantasy.
If only she could be sexy enough or do the things he seems to want, then maybe he would be more interested, more present.
Yet despite her best efforts, she can never compete with a fantasy that the addict is in full power and control over.
She is real and he is afraid to face the truth of his behavior and how terribly harmful it has been to his marriage.
He may avoid being intimate with his wife, find that he puts his kids to bed without spending time with them, and spends even more time with his obsession - pornography.
This time he may stay up a little later than he planned and show up at work exhausted from his late night masturbation sessions, he feels a little bit worse about himself and becomes more detached and emotionally distant from everyone around him.
He has lost control and he has much to lose.
The teenager struggling against compulsive masturbation At a very young age, he is exposed to pornographic and sexually arousing materials.
He could not control his thoughts and his brain would wander from one sexual fantasy to the next throughout the day.
Everything was sexualized and much of his free time was consumed by pornography or sexual fantasy.
Acting out helps put his problems on hold and makes him feel good for a short while.
While he is being sexual, he forgets his problems.
He is drawn to that sexual high, despite the shame he may begin to feel afterwards.
Acting out helps him to numb the pain of life's problems and escape for just a little while.
When the home has become an unsafe place or maybe just lonely, he may seek the pleasure and escape of the sexual "fix.
" It works pretty reliably, and isn't it normal to be obsessed with sex at this age anyway? So why does he feel such shame about his behavior and why does it need to be more and more of a secret? He thinks less and less about the consequences of what he was doing and tries to avoid the feelings altogether.
Our teenager is learning not to feel and instead to "fix.
" It won't get any better on its own and he's at a pretty young age to have a full blown and out of control sex addiction.
But its real and its real scary.
The divorcee addicted to prostitutes He is in his 40s, divorced, with children he rarely sees.
He has an addiction to having sex with prostitutes.
He has lost the ability to control his compulsion and spends hundreds and even thousands of dollars a week in his habit.
As a child, he got lost in the mire of his parents' constant feuding.
He didn't experience the emotional nurturing he needed and was alone in to face the awkwardness of an introverted life and the loneliness of self isolation.
His social skills were poor and he had a terrible self image not to mention a poor body image.
He learned not to risk the rejection of real girls and later real women.
Instead he discovered that a few dollars could buy him all the sexual experience he could make up in his head.
He had sex with his first prostitute and he was hooked.
Sex with prostitutes satisfied the need for the personal gratification he was looking for since childhood.
Exchanging money for sex was like being in total control.
He could have it whenever he wanted and in any way he wanted it.
No risk of rejection and a guarantee of an orgasm - he felt powerful - until just after the act when the shame tormented him.
Now in his 40's and alone again he continues to live a life of shame and secrecy.
One day he may be on a list of names from some arrested madam's customer list.
The children he rarely sees may read about him in the paper.
The last thing that he may have found value in - his career - might then come crashing down ...
and the senator or actor or doctor or, or, or, has a decision to make.
Sex addiction strikes in men and women alike, regardless of social class, ethnicity and sexual orientation.
It thrives in a culture obsessed with sex and at the same time vastly shame based in its relationship to sex.
It is a reality happening in our society, in our community, in our circle of friends, and even in our own family.
The sex addict could be a co-worker, a friend, a partner or a loved that struggles in secret for fear of rejection and due to the shame and guilt attached to sexual addiction.
There are different faces of a sex addict.
Below are some accounts of sexually compulsive or addicted persons.
The bachelor consumed with the "sexual fix" He is single with a stable job but he is consumed with sexual thoughts throughout much of the day and on impulse he may feel the need to masturbate, view pornography, or spend money he can't really afford in massage parlors, topless bars, or even to pay for sex with a prostitute.
He may seek the excitement of engaging in sex with anonymous partners or having one-night stands.
He spends more on his "sex habit" than he would like to admit and is probably in denial about all the time and money that vanishes in his chase for a sexual high.
Our bachelor sex addict may have attempted to quit these behaviors on many times only to fail and find himself acting out sexually once again.
The sexual "fix" becomes his source of pleasure and maybe even the only time when he feels "alive.
" At times he may use sex as a means of avoiding unpleasant feelings or as a coping mechanism to fight stress, work difficulties, interpersonal, psychological, and emotional problems.
Just like the drink to the alcoholic, sex works for the addict while at the same time leaving the addict a slave to his sex addiction.
The married man obsessed with internet pornography He is married for several years with two young children.
He spends long hours at the computer after his wife has gone to bed viewing pornography sites.
He may make live contact with women in chat rooms or even make plans to meet one of them for sex during a break in his workday.
He justifies his acts by saying things to himself like, "it doesn't hurt anybody and besides I deserve it, look how hard I work" and "No one will ever know so what difference does it make? I'm just a guy being a guy.
" However, each time he hides his behaviors, the secrets grow and intimacy in his marriage suffers more and more.
His wife knows something is different, that he has been pulling away emotionally, and she may even try to compete with his sexual fantasy.
If only she could be sexy enough or do the things he seems to want, then maybe he would be more interested, more present.
Yet despite her best efforts, she can never compete with a fantasy that the addict is in full power and control over.
She is real and he is afraid to face the truth of his behavior and how terribly harmful it has been to his marriage.
He may avoid being intimate with his wife, find that he puts his kids to bed without spending time with them, and spends even more time with his obsession - pornography.
This time he may stay up a little later than he planned and show up at work exhausted from his late night masturbation sessions, he feels a little bit worse about himself and becomes more detached and emotionally distant from everyone around him.
He has lost control and he has much to lose.
The teenager struggling against compulsive masturbation At a very young age, he is exposed to pornographic and sexually arousing materials.
He could not control his thoughts and his brain would wander from one sexual fantasy to the next throughout the day.
Everything was sexualized and much of his free time was consumed by pornography or sexual fantasy.
Acting out helps put his problems on hold and makes him feel good for a short while.
While he is being sexual, he forgets his problems.
He is drawn to that sexual high, despite the shame he may begin to feel afterwards.
Acting out helps him to numb the pain of life's problems and escape for just a little while.
When the home has become an unsafe place or maybe just lonely, he may seek the pleasure and escape of the sexual "fix.
" It works pretty reliably, and isn't it normal to be obsessed with sex at this age anyway? So why does he feel such shame about his behavior and why does it need to be more and more of a secret? He thinks less and less about the consequences of what he was doing and tries to avoid the feelings altogether.
Our teenager is learning not to feel and instead to "fix.
" It won't get any better on its own and he's at a pretty young age to have a full blown and out of control sex addiction.
But its real and its real scary.
The divorcee addicted to prostitutes He is in his 40s, divorced, with children he rarely sees.
He has an addiction to having sex with prostitutes.
He has lost the ability to control his compulsion and spends hundreds and even thousands of dollars a week in his habit.
As a child, he got lost in the mire of his parents' constant feuding.
He didn't experience the emotional nurturing he needed and was alone in to face the awkwardness of an introverted life and the loneliness of self isolation.
His social skills were poor and he had a terrible self image not to mention a poor body image.
He learned not to risk the rejection of real girls and later real women.
Instead he discovered that a few dollars could buy him all the sexual experience he could make up in his head.
He had sex with his first prostitute and he was hooked.
Sex with prostitutes satisfied the need for the personal gratification he was looking for since childhood.
Exchanging money for sex was like being in total control.
He could have it whenever he wanted and in any way he wanted it.
No risk of rejection and a guarantee of an orgasm - he felt powerful - until just after the act when the shame tormented him.
Now in his 40's and alone again he continues to live a life of shame and secrecy.
One day he may be on a list of names from some arrested madam's customer list.
The children he rarely sees may read about him in the paper.
The last thing that he may have found value in - his career - might then come crashing down ...
and the senator or actor or doctor or, or, or, has a decision to make.
