Surefire Ways To Get Your Kids On Your Side
It's been said that what kids need are parents, not best friends, and far too many parents are needlessly preoccupied with becoming their kids' best friend, often at the expense of any meaningful discipline or correction.
The problem is that none of us want to be seen as old or out of touch, and we think that by connecting with our kids where they are at that they will better identify with us, thus making our jobs a little easier.
The problem is that no 12 or 13 year old kid is going to take what a 40 year old says without considering it at least a little bit out of touch.
The generation gap is one that is rarely successfully crossed.
You have to resign yourself to the fact that your kids will eventually realize that you do in fact have a brain in your skull, that you have been around the block a few times, and that you do in fact know what you are talking about.
But that realization, and the respect that comes with it, will most likely come when they grow into young adults.
That does not mean, however, that you will spend your children's formative years at odds with them.
You can end up fighting on the same side.
For starters, your kids need to know that you are in their corner, every time, all the time.
Even when discipline is required, they should realize that what you are doing is in their best interests.
Talk to them and let them know that you have nothing but their best interests at heart and want them to have every possible opportunity in life.
Listen to them.
I know it may become mind numbing to listen to your ten year old son prattle on incessantly about World War II and Power Rangers (often in the same breath), or to hear your 13 year old daughter talk about the dreamy guy and school or the new Lady Gaga single (often in the same breath), but by doing so you demonstrate that you do in fact care about what is going on in their lives.
Spend quality time alone with each of your children.
Of course the more kids you have the more difficult this is going to be to do, but your kids need one on one parent time, and I'm not talking about them playing on the floor in the same room where you are watching the game.
I'm talking about time where the two of you are actively engaged with one another, either going somewhere together or working on a project together, basically anything that results in quality time well spent.
Be patient.
Your kids may not always respond to you the way you'd like, and sometimes you may feel like you're striking out.
But they will come around, even if it is only intermittently at first.
My 14 year old daughter is all about hanging out with her friends, and sometimes I'm seen as the "old guy".
But over time there has been a relationship established that will allow me to ask her if I can take her to a Friday night movie, and more often than not, she will ditch plans with her friends in order to go.
Recognize good behavior and reward it.
When your child does something right,, you'll be surprised at just how far some good words will go in encouraging them to duplicate that behavior and even build on it in the future.
Everybody responds positively to good and encouraging words or comments of praise.
By the same token, if you must criticize, do so in a constructive manner.
Harsh words do little to motivate anybody to do anything better.
In fact, it is quite likely to have the exact opposite result.
If your child blew it, sit them down and talk openly and honestly about it, but look for the positive, something for them to grab onto to help them avoid making the same mistake twice.
Remember that negativity rarely produces the desired results, so look for a way to channel some positive and constructive words their way and turn a momentary stumble into a brand new start.
The problem is that none of us want to be seen as old or out of touch, and we think that by connecting with our kids where they are at that they will better identify with us, thus making our jobs a little easier.
The problem is that no 12 or 13 year old kid is going to take what a 40 year old says without considering it at least a little bit out of touch.
The generation gap is one that is rarely successfully crossed.
You have to resign yourself to the fact that your kids will eventually realize that you do in fact have a brain in your skull, that you have been around the block a few times, and that you do in fact know what you are talking about.
But that realization, and the respect that comes with it, will most likely come when they grow into young adults.
That does not mean, however, that you will spend your children's formative years at odds with them.
You can end up fighting on the same side.
For starters, your kids need to know that you are in their corner, every time, all the time.
Even when discipline is required, they should realize that what you are doing is in their best interests.
Talk to them and let them know that you have nothing but their best interests at heart and want them to have every possible opportunity in life.
Listen to them.
I know it may become mind numbing to listen to your ten year old son prattle on incessantly about World War II and Power Rangers (often in the same breath), or to hear your 13 year old daughter talk about the dreamy guy and school or the new Lady Gaga single (often in the same breath), but by doing so you demonstrate that you do in fact care about what is going on in their lives.
Spend quality time alone with each of your children.
Of course the more kids you have the more difficult this is going to be to do, but your kids need one on one parent time, and I'm not talking about them playing on the floor in the same room where you are watching the game.
I'm talking about time where the two of you are actively engaged with one another, either going somewhere together or working on a project together, basically anything that results in quality time well spent.
Be patient.
Your kids may not always respond to you the way you'd like, and sometimes you may feel like you're striking out.
But they will come around, even if it is only intermittently at first.
My 14 year old daughter is all about hanging out with her friends, and sometimes I'm seen as the "old guy".
But over time there has been a relationship established that will allow me to ask her if I can take her to a Friday night movie, and more often than not, she will ditch plans with her friends in order to go.
Recognize good behavior and reward it.
When your child does something right,, you'll be surprised at just how far some good words will go in encouraging them to duplicate that behavior and even build on it in the future.
Everybody responds positively to good and encouraging words or comments of praise.
By the same token, if you must criticize, do so in a constructive manner.
Harsh words do little to motivate anybody to do anything better.
In fact, it is quite likely to have the exact opposite result.
If your child blew it, sit them down and talk openly and honestly about it, but look for the positive, something for them to grab onto to help them avoid making the same mistake twice.
Remember that negativity rarely produces the desired results, so look for a way to channel some positive and constructive words their way and turn a momentary stumble into a brand new start.
